It is late here in Germany, but i want to write something, otherwise i will go to bed and forget all my ideas. I went to a Greek Movie Festival by invitation of a friend. It was great and at the same time, tragic. Watching a documentary about youth dreams and future in Greece, all that documentary spoke to me to my core. It just needed to change the words "Greece" to "Portugal", and we were talking about the same things. We tend to see this in a negative way, but they are so many creative, hard-working portuguese, greek, spanish, italian, germans, europeans, asians, americans world wide young citizens, who manage to create new ideas out of deep crisis. History taught us, the best ideas come in the worse of times. And your unemployed generation, with their cultural exchanges, degrees, aboard experiences... I want to believe that in the end, all this struggle with be worth, and the generations that will come after us, will be grateful for our life experiences. I hope, i dream. That's why i left Portugal, to be allowed to dream again without burning my head with the word "crisis", "depbt" and "hopeless".

Why?

When people ask me why i have come to Germany, it is hard to explain. It is even harder to try to explain to myself. What was the real reason? The need for adventure? The crisis, social, political and cultural problems in Portugal? Something else in my spirit that i could’t tell?

“Why do left Portugal?”
“What is your national major economical production?”
“Why Germany?”

One thing that i have learned about life, it is nothing comes as you expect. When i was a little child, i dreamed of becoming a great artist, a famous artist. I made paintings for people and asked money for it. When i was 6 years old i even put an Ad on my door for selling drawings, my mother didn’t knew about it and she was very surprised when someone ringed my door and asked about my drawings. It was a foolish child dream, or the only true and genuine dream in my life? The one that wasn’t corrupted by the problems and adversity that i found when i grow up. The need to survive, to study, to have a life, to find a job, to do what i love.  The urge to become the person my family expected me to be. I was lucky enough to be born in a portuguese middle class family, now middle class is almost gone. My mother always believed in me, even when i didn’t believe in myself, she was the one to push me up when i was down. She was the one, and the only one to believe in the girl that wanted to sell drawings in the house. Everything that i have, and everything that i am was due to her. And i want to pay her back, all her efforts. I want her to see her daughter safe, happy and independent.  My mother told me “i rather have you away, than having you crying and depressive in Portugal for not having a safe future”.

My first drawing in Hamburg. HH, nor for nazi stuff. But for the driving license plate!

Portugal 18-06-2012 
2 months before Germany

I am at the chapter end. Seems painful and misunderstood. But if wasn't easy, it wasn't human. If i didn't made any questions.

I believed in everything and nothing. I just believe in the future, i must believe. Whatever it will be. No matter what system, or anti-system i will belong to.

I wrote this before coming to Germany, i created this blog to share my experiences as a young portuguese with a Bachelor of Communication Design on her luggage, growing up and learning in a Europe of Crisis. Who, by fate or opportunity, found a chance in Hamburg.

More to come!